The Silent Treatment is About Control (Formerly Titled “Why Do People Give the Silent Treatment?”)
*3/26/2014* This post was originally titled “Why Do People Give the Silent Treatment?” The previous title was not accurate in describing the contents of this post, since this post is really about only one aspect of the silent treatment: control. This post is directed toward the person on the receiving end of the silent treatment and how they can gain a sense of control for themselves. What I haven’t addressed here is why the person giving the silent treatment feels the need to be in control.
I have received feedback from people who give the silent treatment because they feel that it is the only way to keep the peace in a relationship, or because they feel they have no other choice. I address this part of the silent treatment in this new post titled “When the Silent Treatment Feels Like Your Only Option” and I have partially addressed this dynamic in another post called “Swallowing the Conflict to Keep the Peace.” **
The original post about control begins here:
There are all sorts of motives for and styles of the silent treatment, but they all boil down to one commonality: people give the silent treatment because it gives them a feeling of control over the person they are treating with silence. If you ever got the silent treatment as a child, you can probably remember just how frustrated you got. I can remember getting the silent treatment from my older siblings. I’d get increasingly frustrated, trying hopelessly to get them to break the silence. This only made them more determined to keep silent. I was giving them exactly what they wanted- the loss of control over my frustrated energy. I imagine that it made them feel powerful with very little effort. All they had to do was sit quietly and watch me squirm and get heated, and lose more and more control of myself.
The silent treatment is about control. It only works if the person being given the silent treatment relinquishes control to the one being silent. The more you try to get your partner to break their silence, the more you are allowing yourself to be controlled by him or her, and the less likely it is that they will talk. After all, you are giving them exactly what they want, and you are exposing all of your vulnerability while they expose none of theirs.
As difficult as it may be, it is important not to engage in this dynamic. Give yourself the attention that you are tempted to give to your partner. Let your partner know that you are not willing to try to read his or her mind, but would be glad to talk about whatever the issue is that caused the silent treatment to begin with. The ball is no longer in your court, and it is up to your partner to pick it up. Take your attention away from this dynamic, and focus on your own feelings and needs.
More posts on the Silent Treatment:
When the Silent Treatment Feels Like Your Only Option
Is It Okay for Parents to Give the Silent Treatment to Their Children?
Communicating about Taking Space in Relationship: An Alternative to the Silent Treatment
Dealing with the Silent Treatment
The Silent Treatment vs The Cooling-Off Period
Swallowing the Conflict to “Keep the Peace”
More posts that may be of interest:
Wanting the Person who Hurt You to Hurt as Much as You Do
Mind-Reading, Guessing Games, and Communication Breakdowns in Relationships
71 comments
Permalink51
I am now sitting in my closet…crying my eyes out and hurting. I hate the ST. It is one of the most horrific things to do to a person. It solves nothing. I feel like an absolute love can never be mine. I need help and i am afraid to speak to him because it may prolong the ST. Help
Permalink52
Ree
I hope that things have got better for you. I’ve only just read your post now and hope that in the past few months you have transcended the dynamic that the Silent Treatment works on.
For a long time I experienced this from my own husband. It was horrible so I understand exactly you speaking of.
Things changed when I grew the confidence within myself to actually tell him that the Silent Treatment was unacceptable and what it was doing to me.
It is about the other person trying to gain control over a situation which they feel helpless in. Unfortunately it’s completely unresourceful and totally destructive.
If you can spend time with other friends / family that love you and spend some time also alone doing the things you love and make you happy, you will find two things happen. One your own energy levels will increase and you will find yourself less bothered about something that is clearly not your fault (because that’s what the Silent Treatment does, it gets you worried and scared and obsessing about what you said and did wrong and that leads to thoughts of worthlessness etc).
Also when the other person sees that their behaviour is not affecting you, they will change how they are treating you. Behind their stonecold silence, a scared child will emerge and you will see something more vulnerable appear when they realise they have lost the control they were trying to dominate the situation with.
Love yourself and if you can forgive the behaviour of the other person. They are only doing the best they can to deal with a problem they’re having difficulty with. It may not be smart or kind, but behind the silence, I promise you, they are suffering too.
When you get to place of inner confidence and peace, you will be able to speak to the other person without fear or anger. You will be able to ask objective and rational questions to build the bridge in the relationship.
Things can and will get better. Believe in yourself and believe in Love.
Wishing you the best,
A.xxxx
Permalink53
I am one of these nasty people that you guys keep talking about. And Ree reminds me of my beautiful wife. Idk why but alot of times when we get into a argument I just shut down (give the silent treatment). As I am doing this she is just yelling @ me and carrying on and on. The thing is I am not stupid I know she is carrying on and on because she her self is hurting. That is were I am stupid, because I also know that if I would just open up thing could get worked out. As things have in the past when I’ve opened up to her. But she has had a very rough past with her ex-husband between the rape and abuse that he would put her threw. I would in my mind justify what I am doing as “protecting” her. Because well alot of times my tongue is faster than my head, or as I always say I have no filtration system. When it comes to filtering what I should say and when I should just keep my mouth shut alot of times I will say whatever if I feel like I am on the defense I will say what I need to. And that isn’t fair, but at the same time it’s deffinetly not fair to my wife for me to ignore her. And I need to understand that I am not protecting her’ if anything I am not much better than her ex come to think about it… Wow that’s disgusting!!!!!!! But I definetly know what I need to do to fix it. So I am going to work torwards that. She deserves that after all she has been threw. She is my angel my love and deserves soo much better. That’s were I have FAILED her and will not anymore!!! BTW I promised my wife I would read this since she has asked me too being that I did the silent treatment to her. If you read this angel I LOVE YOU and I AM SORRY.
Permalink54
I go silent when I am hurt, usually by family of origin. I do not know how to articulate hurt and if I did, I don’t believe it would matter. When I go silent, I would rather not hear from the other person. I never thought of it as control. I do see it as emotional shut down and separation until I’ve had time (months) to process. The bigger the hurt, the longer I need. I have to protect myself. For me, it is survival. Didn’t say it was right or healthy. It’s the way I know how to deal with emotions.
Permalink55
To ang, It is about control, because if it isn’t, why not open your mouth to speak as you have done on here. You don’t haft to look anyone in the eye on here or feel exposed in front of someone by sharing your feelings, so you don’t have a fear of loosing control or being controlled. You feel as though you are in control when you type on here and no one to see you while you do it. The internet allows people to hide just like the silent treatment. But if you said what you said on here to your partner to their face, you would feel you are exposing yourself and that to you is giving them some control over your feeling. Feelings are to be shared with your loved one, if you can’t, then why are you with them. Let me ask you this, have you ever went to your parents about how you felt or a friend before in your life? I’m sure you have. People who give the silent treatment often use that they are hurt as way of excuses it. You are hurting yourself more by giving the silent treatment. What is interesting about your post is you say, “you’d rather not hear from them no more..” what that says, is you are tired of hearing them stick to their opinions and beliefs and not just doing things your way or seeing them your way, otherwise you would still want to hear from them. Just from your comment, it shows it is about control with your as it is with everyone who gives the silent treatment. Silence can speak volumes to and can cut deeper than a knife, you know this cause I’m sure someone did it to you before, so why are you doing it to someone else. Only way you can use silent treatment I(though you shouldn’t at all) in the matter of speaking of you being hurt, is if you chose to be silent regarding your hurt, if someone acts like they don’t care. Example, if you told them you were hurt and they dismissed it by giving you the silent treatment, then of course you are going to feel like you should give the silent treatment back. The silent treatment doesn’t come from being hurt, it comes from feeling like it has to go your way or it’s the highway. We all learned the silent treatment exist, when we were children. Remember how it made you feel when kids didn’t speak to you but other people, just because you were different, had different likes and dislikes or was different in some way? Now do you want someone else to feel that, someone you claim you love? You say you don’t know how to articulate hurt but you posted on here about how you connect to hurt. You opened up your feelings on here, even though many people can come along and reply. If you opened up to your partner, they would be the only one replying. People who give silent treatment often make it about how they feel, and use it as a crutch as well as bad excuses for the reason doing so. To speak frank, I’m a victim of it and still is and I tried to speak to them like adults and someone who cares, even told them I would like us to keep the communication line open. They simply said we need to speak to a therapist. They still are refusing to speak to me first? Although the fights escalated cause they called me names, talked down to me and pointed in my face and falsely accused me of cheating. Yet instead of owning up to the wrong and keeping the communication line open so we can get pass it, they want us to go to therapy and of course they will leave their abusive comments to me out of the sessions and even lie. People who give the silent treatment also try to tell a different story of what happened, to justify their silent treatment. To make it seem like it was absolutely necessary to ignore their partner. They will only speak of the reaction of their partner, without speaking of what happened before hand, what they said or done to their partner. The silent treatment is used to blame shift, for the person to hide and to also regain control over the problem and make their partner helpless and desperate because they know their partner love them. That is also taking advantage of their partner, because they know they love them so they know they will mostly not give up trying to talk to them. I know that only time I have ever given the silent treatment is when I was left know choice cause the person kept giving me the silent treatment, no matter how hard I tried to keep the communication line open and show respect for their view as long as it did not insult me or misjudge me, hurt my self esteem. Giving the silent treatment also means you are not afraid to loose the person. If you truly loved or cared for them, you would not give the silent treatment in fear of loosing them or in fear that they may never speak to you again. When you love someone you don’t risk loosing them, not even over giving the silent treatment. The silent treatment is a place to hide. Why would you rather not hear from the one you claim you love or you love? Do you want the two of you to drift apart, do you want them to say they would not rather hear from you. Would if they decided to do the same. Then neither of you would be hearing from eachother. To stop the silent treatment, you must not start doing it all. It can easily become into a tit for tat sort of thing and eventually neither of you is making any effort to resolve the problems and the silence between so big that there is nothing left to do but go separate ways. There is nothing left to salvage once the silent treatment has damaged the relationship almost beyond repair. If you don’t want to loose the person you that loves you, I suggest you to not do it anyone. There are people like that refuse to put up with it anymore and will simply break all communication, rather than drain myself of emotion and self love by trying to convince the person to speak to me and try to resolve the problem.
Permalink56
it’s been almost two weeks since we last spoke. he said something that really hurt me and he was mad at me, because i got mad at him. this argument happened right before bedtime and we went to bed angry. the next day, as soon as i got to work, i sent him the usual text–“love you”. this, i used to do every morning. he did not respond. i sent him an email telling him why his words upset me. no response. seven days later, he finally responded to my email and then only to reprimand me and point out all my shortcomings. i responded and he had nothing else to say. a couple of days ago, he wrote me a note–we live together–asking for something. he was standing right in front of me. i asked him: you would rather write to me than talk to me?
his response: yeah
no more. no more. it has been 8 years of this constant punishment. we argue. we yell. we slam doors. we get over it. but, very often, because of some perceived infraction on my part: like hurt feelings over something he said/did or some unknown reason–i will get the silent treatment. he actually goes out of his way to not walk near me.
our last argument was a request to go on vacation. all of his family is overseas. he only has two weeks of vacation every year. we had an opportunity to go to a resort–maybe for a week. he called me insensitive for not thinking of his situation and limited vacation time a full seven days after our argument. all i did was ask–it was open to discussion. this weekend, he took a vacation day to go hang with friends all weekend. he left without me.
i think he must hate me and, if so, why hasn’t he left? i’m done. i cannot put myself through this anymore. no amount of apologies can me stay anymore.
Permalink57
Thank you all for your responses. My brother has not talked to me for over a year. I constantly try to figure out what I did to him – I keep saying “sorry” though I don’t know what I am saying sorry for. When I knew him, I always reached out to every one of his needs and supported him in all things in his life. So, I don’t know what I did to offend him. I do know that I did upset him when I protested to him giving me the “silent treatment”. And, since I did, I “offended” him to the point where he will never speak to me again. I was simply wanting to talk about what went wrong, I wanted to know why I (and my family) had to lose a brother and be a broken family over something I didn’t even know that I did. As the posts above point out, one does end up putting too much energy into getting the other person back and draining themselves. I go in and out of this as I gain/lose strength to expend the energy. I recently went into another “attempt” to get my brother back and reading this stopped me. Thank you all very much – I needed to put the brakes on. As it is said here, if the person giving the silent treatment cared about losing the other person, they would not do it. My brother does not care that he lost me (or broke up our family) even though I was always there for him when he needed me – obviously, he needs me no more. And, I need to move on.
For those who give the silent treatment, I understand it is some sort of “shut down” but, it is selfish as it hurts the other person immensely. Like it is said here, it cuts deeper than a knife and it is a long term pain – anyone who does that to another is cruel. It is one thing if you hurt someone (with the silent treatment, for example) unknowingly but, if the other person keeps coming back to you, begging and pleading to work things out because they don’t want to lose you and keeps telling you your silence is hurting them but, you continue to do it then, you are just a sadist.
I love my brother but, I question his emotional sanity. I pray for my brother which is all I can do.
Brother, you hurt me (continually) and I turn the other cheek because I love you – to hate you is to hate my Father – I love my Father and I pray for you.
Permalink58
Annie’s comment ( January ) is superb and SO true; a ‘scared child’ DOES emerge; once they realise they’re dealing with a strong, complete individual – they begin to feel silly and ‘left out’ once they see the S.T. they’re dishing out is having no effect; ( for eg ‘overhearing our happily chatting on the phone with somebody else we love… mum, sister, or excitedly rushing about to go somewhere nice ) I’ve seen this with my husband in the past and have been reminded and motivated to love myself again and do what I want to do, with others who love me, without being consumed with guilt etc etc. My S.T.’expert’ is at times like a spoilt baby who absolutely THRIVES on making me feel guilty – usually after he’s bombarded me with abuse ( he had a troubled childhood with little parental guidance… I do know he loves me beneath it all ) and the way to bring him out of it is to avoid being a quivering baby myself! When I think back to how we were 24 years ago and what he admired in me…..confidence, cheerful positive attitude etc it reminds me of the person I need to find again within myself…. the trepidation WILL dissipate I KNOW it.
Thanks all
Permalink59
A friend of mine recently left a long-term marriage where there were elements of emotional and verbal abuse. She shared her reasons for becoming more and more “silent,” not to be confused with “the silent treatment,” in a commentary I published on my blog. I share it here and wherever I can because I think people automatically assume that when one partner is less vocal or less responsive to the other that it is automatically some kind of passive aggression; whereas, it could be an emotional survival mechanism. I believe it will help alleviate some unwarranted guilt for those who are dealing with the same verbal and emotional attacks and who see no other route, having tried other responses, but to “diminish,” or “silence” their normal responses for the sake of surviving the pain of such abuse. http://pnissila.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/is-it-the-silent-treatment-or-emotional-survival/
Permalink60
George, is always playing mind games with me, making me feel like im not his equal, he belittles, he uses me only for Sex and is very Controling on everything that I do with my life. he treats me more like a child then anything elese. he thinks of me as his Daughter and that really werid to me.
He has his moments when he doesn’t talk to me for days or just yells at me for no reason, iam only trying to help him out nothing more. but whatever I do its never right. I really feel im an idiot for letting him run my life, don’t want to be scared anymore to stand up for my self.
Permalink61
the silent treatment is an evil disgusting way of yes controlling someone. the victim isnt’ vulnerable..theyre just normal…its normal to want to talk to someone who is not talking to you suddenly. but to a predator or sociopath they see it as a power play…they are sick weak people..pathetic lowly people who seek to treat someone this way. the victim should feel empowered for not being as low as this disgusting predator who has NO power NO control but is really just a leech and sociopath…
my evil evil twisted mother is giving me the silent treatment..it bothered me badly at first..2 months now..but whats affecting me is the energetic link–if they have been taking your power antyway and then give u the silent treatment..they will be stealing your energy and leeching you…it is torture…that is what is making me suffer the most..the energetic torture involved… my evil mother is doing this hoping I think that it hurts or kills me. she is just that bad…it is slowly killing me I think b/c of the energy involved…this woman is so evil and I hope that she is the one who somehow falls off a cliff…those who give the silent treatment..are weak pathetic lowly people…they are the cowards sheep…their victims are strong powerful people…who are way above these lowly disgusting pathetic torturing sociopaths….
Permalink62
it is bias to say that silent treatment is about control. to some, they would do it in order to control. however, it is not the same with other people, like me. I have often been bullied, accused of doing something wrong. I am so tired of these things that instead of taking revenge, I just go silent.am I trying to control them? no, I am just tired. too tired to talk, too tired to explain my side. too tired to defend myself.
especially when the other end is just wanting me to apologize for things that I didn’t do myself. I am too tired to talk, is that control? I don’t think so. be open minded guys
Permalink63
Giselle Jane- You might find my post “Not All Silence is the Silent Treatment“of interest. The Silent Treatment is a particular form of silence done AT someone. Your silence sounds more like a retreat FROM someone, which does not make it the Silent Treatment so much as silence.
Permalink64
I am on my second day of teh dreaded ST from a colleague with who I have worked with for over 2 years. This is not the first time he has taken to this form of ‘punishment’ for a preceived slight/ misundrstanding or a wrong that has been taken out of proportion.
This time round, I did do something that in retrospect, perhaps I should have thought about before opening my mouth. It was not the smartest move in my part and I can see how he would have been a bit upset about it. However,it is not something that will affect him radically in any way. He even broached the topic yesterday, briefly breaking the silence. He was apparently ready to put it behind him. I apologised. I thought that was the end of it but it seems today we are back at square one.
I should calrify that besides being colleagues, we are/were also great friends. We had an instant connection when we first met and yes, there has been occasions where things have become a bit more ‘comprimised’, but have never ‘dated’ or had an offical relationship. I have always felt bad in any event as he is the one who seems to initiate it, but has had a girlfriend when it happens- even if its just french kissing or an embrace that has become passionate.
In any event, on a previous occasion, he didn’t speak to me for a month. We then had the Christmas break and on the day we returned it was like it has never happened. I asked him about it a few weeks later and his official reasoning was I was becoming too friendly with another male colleague, who most people in the office despised. Even though I was simply being pleasant to this other colleague. The excuse didn’t add up to his behaviour and his earlier ‘explanation’ , which had been and i quote ” I can’t do this anymore I am here to do a job not socialise/make friends …”.
in another instance, it was after we had had a disagreement/difffering opinion on something and he felt the need to tell me off about how I was not utilising my full potential in life. I told him it was my life and he was overstepping his boundaries- ie he is my friend and supposed to be supportive. Thats it. He responded by not talking to me for 6 weeks and it was only after I retuned from a holiday that he started speaking to me again. Again it was as if the past 6 weeks had never happened.
I am not sure why he feels the need to repeatedly do this when he gets uoset or we have a big disagreement. I can only conclude from what I have been rading that he is indeed a narcassist, who is not used to someone challeging him. He seems to relish in passive agressiveness and dooes not take too much to conforntation.
I am not sure he treats his male friends and/or girlfriends the same way. Funnily enough I suspect not. But I do know he likes to be right and in control.
I guess its true when they say ” I have never heard silence quite so loud”.
Permalink65
The silent treatment from my wife destroyed our marriage.I was continually ignored for regular periods ranging from between 5 to 14 days.This unusual behaviour occurred a few times in the weeks leading up to our marriage.I could not get a response or logical explanation for these occurrences so I reasoned it off as pre-marriage nerves.How wrong could I be.The systematic mental abuse began from the moment we landed at Sydney Airport returning from our honeymoon in Bali.It continued for 6 despondent,depressing and lonely years until I could no longer take it and asked her to leave.The abuse followed a regular pattern of being completely ignored for 5 to 14 days followed by a period of normality that would last no more than a week.After a while I could fairly accurately predict that another freeze out was coming.I didnt have to do anything startingly wrong to cause this puzzling phenomenon…it just happened like clockwork.It ruined our sex life because I felt like a shock treatment Monkey…I had gradually lost my desire to want to touch her for fear of the inevitable soon to arrive period of mental torture.I have never received any answers.explanation or apology… nor do I ever expect to as I have slowly learnt that this is a very important part of the warped.strategic mental abuse used by these types of people.Writing this message will be the best way to rid the heavy yet puzzling mental burden that I have carried for the last few years.Family and friends can only listen to so much of a perceived self pitying plight.I have found the writings of other people on this site to be interesting yet helpful and do sympathise….power to normal people.
Permalink66
I’m giving the S.T to my ex wife ,because the way she dumped me for another man even though i was a very nice man to her.i read in the article that now the ball is on her side to pick it up,but too bad tha this ball is so messed up that even if she picks it up,it won’t be able to bounce like it used to.and i guess is the best way to keep the peace between us two. She calla me every time i have my son but i don’t answers her phone calla and texts.the other day she called me at 12:14 pm to talk to my son but i didn’t answers.to me it’s like she wants to let me know that she is with some body else or to hear my voice.
Permalink67
He has given me the silent treatment before. This time around, I am determined to not give it energy since it truly is destructive relationship dynamics. As such, I have simply chosent to not try to engage. I won’t email him, text him, or call him until HE breaks the silent treatment that he imposed on me. After all, “you” have said loud and clear, you don’t want contact with me right now.
I know that reaching out to him when he isn’t ready is ineffectual. But doesn’t this also send a message that I don’t care?
And while I am “taking control” by not giving it energy, at least energy he can see, with each day, the silence is destroying me inside.
I dream about the day that he will finally contact me. Will I answer my phone? Will I let him sweat? How will I interact with him? Can I conceal my hurt and disappointment.
Once we are in a better space, how do I communicate that THIS, in particular triggers up severe abandoment issues. What I mean is, I have worked hard to not trigger him and his issues. He has noticed and commented on how much I have changed to accomodate him. Abandomnent is MY issue and as delicate as pwBDP are on many matters, this is my issue that he needs to be delicate with me about.
Thoughts?
Permalink68
A few days ago that my best friend of 2 years is currently giving me the ST. I am abroad atm, but we chat everyday and are constantly in tough.
Two weeks ago we had an argument about me going abroad. She all of a sudden started criticizing me for it, saying she feels left alone. The way she expressed all of this was very hurtful to me and as she is going through a phase of depression and anxiety atm, I politely asked her to carry on the discussion another day. I thought she was seeing things in a very negative light and also didn’t realize how much she hurt me with her words. I assumed it was because of her bad mental state and didn’t want it to get worse. She agreed.
I felt tired out by this argument and she must have felt too, because for a few days we didn’t speak. It seemed like we were both cooling off. A few days later I asked her how she was doing and she replied, albeit not as cheerfully as usally. She did say her therapist said she is in “victim mode” atm, but didn’t apologize. Alright then, I didn’t feel like I should expect this from her given her current state and went on chatting as usual, however I could tell something was off. I attributed it to the phase she was going through. However, again we didn’t speak for a few days (this was already unusual, before that argument we used to speak every day). Yesterday I again asked her how she was doing and she replied, but didn’t ask anything back. She is giving me the cold shoulder.
It hurts very much, well it has hurt for 2 weeks now. First it hurt that she accused me of leaving her behind because I followed my dream abroad (plus we had this argument before and I even apologized to her for it, but this time it was fiercer). Than it hurts so much that she is very short in her answers to me now and uninterested. A classic ST.
Before yesterday I assumed her lack of seeking contact can be attributed to her mental state, but I asked a friend about and she said they have been in touch a lot.
To me, the silent treatment is an absolute no go, because I could never do that to someone. I understand the concept of needing space, but then please communicate it to me. I am a human being and I don’t understand what set her off so much.
Btw, I think she noticed how hurt I was by her accusations. After that, I didn’t open up to her that much anymore, not with the intention of punishing her though, because she accused me also of prohibiting her to feel sad about me leaving for something I said but I never meant like this. I was scared to again say something wrong and also felt like I couldn’t tell her anymore about what is going on here because now I know she is mad at me for being here.
Anyway, the ST to me is one of the worst forms of emotional abuse. What do you guys think, should I give up the friendship? I like her a lot and would have done anything for her, but I wonder if I can be friends with someone who chooses to torture me emotionally.
Btw I don’t want to ask her what is wrong. I chose to not enage with this. I showed her yesterday I do want to talk to her and if anything is going on, I think it is her responsibility to address this.
Permalink70
I got up this morning thought the dishwasher had been on put the things away for my husband to come down stairs and go mental accused me of making his day worse and I had clearly done it deliberately. I now feel like I am sat on the naughty step as the ST has now kicked in – I don’t understand the motive it was a genuine mistake but he cannot accept that and has to blame me and who knows how long this bout of ST will last. If confronted he gets worse – he now goes about his day as if I don’t exist making his own tea and coffee and not a thought for me – how do people deal with this it is soul destroying ?
Permalink71
My sister did this to me for years and years. Kept me from visiting my own father who lived with her. Did not invite me to any holiday gatherings for some 7 years. Did this deliberately. It was very painful for me. She wanted to see me suffer and was successful. After our relatives died, I vowed to be through with her and now have not contacted her for years. Her significant other just died and she is now desperately lonely.
I am now ignoring her. She needs to know what her years of abuse did to me.She recently justified what she did, saying I
I deserved it,(!)and really never lets me be heard out in the entirety of what her abuse did to me over those years.
The fact that she will never let me be heard and that she now wants me to be there for her is overwhelmingly insensitive of her. As usual,she is completely uninterested in what happened yo me snd only thinks of her own situation. My feelings and in what she did to me are not in any way on her radar.My reaction has been to have nothing to go with her.
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