Dealing with Your Anger

Today, I was cleaning out the fireplace and thinking about embers and how they can stay alive for days after a fire, even though they look spent. You can’t just stick them in the trash or vacuum them because they could reignite. They need to be disposed of properly, so that there is no danger of them catching fire in a place where that fire can’t be contained.

Anger is a fiery emotion that many people are afraid of. It is not a bad emotion, but we’re often taught that it is. Just like embers that need to be carefully disposed of, anger needs to be expressed carefully. Most people aren’t taught how to express anger, and are instead shown various dysfunctional approaches, such as pushing it down inside until it comes out uninvited in the form of rage.

Suppressing anger doesn’t make it go away- just like the heat in an ember. Just because you seem calm on the surface, that doesn’t mean that there is no anger deep inside. Anger that isn’t dealt with will eventually come out one way or another, and when it does, it will be out of control. Just like a fire that gets its start where no one can see and then becomes an inferno, anger that has been pushed into a corner easily becomes rage over time. Rage controls the person it has taken hold of, and lashes out at whoever happens to be in that person’s way.

A good start to dealing with anger is first to accept it as the emotion that you are having. There is nothing wrong with feeling angry. It is just an emotion, and there are no bad or wrong emotions. Let yourself feel anger, and get to know what it feels to be angry. If you haven’t done this before, and if you have a lot to be angry about, I recommend finding a counselor or other healing professional who can help you to navigate this process. In the short term, learning to deal with your anger might feel scary. That is because anger is a powerful emotion, just like fire is a powerful element. In the long term, the skill of dealing with your anger will help you to find your power and truth.