Finding the Courage to Leave a Relationship
Leaving a longtime relationship, even the most unhealthy one, can be incredibly difficult to do. The fear of the unknown can be paralyzing. You might have a million questions. Who will you be without this relationship? How will you get by? What will you do with all the extra energy that you poured into being part of a couple? Will you ever find companionship again? Can you handle the loneliness? How do you even go about breaking up with your partner?
While I can’t answer these questions for anyone else, I can say that you can leave a relationship if you need to. I can also say that it is not something you have to do the second you realize that it isn’t working. It is important to build your inner strength before jumping off the cliff into the unknown world of being single. You might not be ready to leave yet, and that is okay. It is important to find someone to talk to who understands your difficulty, rather than someone who says, “Just dump that lemon.” (I actually had someone tell me that when I was trying to extricate myself from a bad relationship. Not helpful). It is not that simple, otherwise you would have left long ago.
You may wonder what it means to build your inner strength in order to gather the courage to be on your own. Finding a good therapist is one very helpful way to do so. The goal of therapy is exactly that: to build your inner strength so that you can rely on yourself, and learn to understand that you deserve love. Another important way to build your inner strength is to learn to lean on your community of friends, and any other sort of community you may have. If you are trying to leave an abusive relationship, this step is most crucial, because you are very likely isolated from others as part of the pattern of abuse. In addition to external support from others, it is good to bring focus into your inner world. If you have been in a relationship for a long time, you might be out of practice in this department. Try to find something that engages you and only you. It could be as simple of an interest as reading or walking, or as exotic as learning to scuba dive. The only thing that is important about this is that it is your interest, and therefore it is the doorway into your inner world.
These are some of the beginning steps toward walking away from a relationship that needs to end. No matter how long it takes you, the most important thing is to be kind to yourself as you take these steps.
Other posts you might find interesting:
You Invested Energy Into It, but That Doesn’t Mean You Should Keep It
Breaking Free from Hopeful Illusion: The April Fool’s Edition
Validating Your Emotions Rather Than Justifying Them
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