When You Love Someone Who Treats You Badly

When you love someone who treats you badly, it is difficult to make sense of it.  Your friends don’t get it, nor does your brain, but still you just can’t seem to help yourself. The love feels so strong and powerful that you put up with or overlook the ways your partner treats you poorly.  People close to you will tell you that you should not be with this person, that you deserve better.  This sometimes makes you feel worse, because you wonder what it is that you aren’t getting.  You may even feel stupid for not seeing what everyone else is seeing.

What you are not seeing is your own worthiness.  Maybe you feel lucky that anyone loves you at all.  Perhaps you have occasional moments of absolute bliss with this person that seem to make up for all the more painful times.  It could be that the sex is earth-shattering, or was at one point.  Whatever the reason, you are unable to imagine a relationship that doesn’t come at the price of being treated poorly and unpredictably.

When you learn to value yourself, you stop tolerating people who don’t value you. Rather than trying to get others to change their attitudes toward you, you can focus on changing your attitude toward yourself.  You may not know what it feels like to be treated as if you are a person worthy of respect.  Getting therapy is very helpful in learning this- a good therapist consistently will treat you respectfully, and will help you to sort out the ways in which you accept disrespect from yourself and others.  In therapy, you will heal your battered sense of worth and lack of confidence.  With the self-worth you gain, you will develop standards for how you would like to be treated.   With your new self-confidence, you will be able to enforce those standards naturally.   Not only will you feel appalled when someone treats you poorly,  you also just won’t stand for it.

Other posts you might find interesting:

Breaking Free from Hopeful Illusion: The April Fool’s Edition

For more about deserving love, go here.

For more about leaving a relationship, go here.

For more about changing emotional patterns, go here.

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