Life & Therapy

It is very difficult to find a Hollywood movie that depicts a truthful relationship.  Most depict relationships in one of two ways.  The first involves two people who fall madly in love, often portrayed through a montage of happy activities set to music (my husband calls this “The A-Team Sequence”).  Inevitably, someone messes up, and then there is a stormy break-up, followed by a period of the silent treatment.  Often, during this stormy broken-up period, one person comes into their power, perhaps by magically starting a successful shoe boutique.  The offender does some soul-searching and realizes what a toad they have been, and comes crawling back, begging for forgiveness.  The movie ends either with their joyous and passionate reunion or with The Wedding Ceremony.  The other type of Hollywood relationship is the one where a couple is the most perfect and loving pair you’ve ever seen, right at the start of the movie.  This usually means that someone is going to get killed or kidnapped.  The rest of the movie involves the remaining partner either wreaking revenge on the killer, or facing the impossible to find and save their lover.

Of course, we don’t see these movies for a dose of reality, but, somehow, they have an impact on our perceptions anyway.  This is likely due to the fact that there just aren’t many models for what a healthy, truthful relationship looks like.  Truthful relationships aren’t very flashy, and would not likely make for great entertainment.  They aren’t always romantic, and often plug steadily along with very little drama.  There is so much more to talk about to friends when you are in an unhappy relationship, which is probably why Hollywood has relied on that formula for so long.

Our own addiction to drama and need for entertainment can drown out the quiet that is necessary to build a truthful relationship.  We may panic if things seem to be moving too slow, or we may worry if we aren’t feeling passionately and madly in love with our partner every second of the day, though underneath the surface, there is a deep love we can tap into.  There is a trade-off that happens when we choose truthful relationships over the Hollywood kind.  We may not get the sweeping romantic gestures all the time, but we know we can trust each other with our vulnerable selves.  We may not always feel worshipped, but we know that we are seen and accepted for every little bit of ourselves, even the ugly parts, and our partner still cherishes us.  We may not always have incredible, passionate, earth-shattering sex, but we do get to have sex that involves a full spectrum of emotions, with a person we know and trust completely.  We may not always get to hear just how wonderful and amazing and perfect we are, but we can count on getting the entire truth, no matter what that is.  In Hollywood, there is glamour and glory, but the attention span is incredibly short- not a good basis for the long run.

Other post you might find interesting:

Asking Your Partner for What You Want