Worrying about being “That” Person

How often have you wanted to do something, but were afraid to because you wouldn’t want to be “that” sort of person?  Perhaps you want a little more attention from your partner, but are afraid to ask, because you don’t want to be that self-absorbed, narcissistic attention hog.  Maybe you want to ask for a raise at work, but you don’t want to be the asshole who thinks that they are better than everyone else.

As soon as you start limiting your actions based on fears about being “that person” you are no longer acting from your own instinct or desire.  You are allowing this imagined person to dictate your actions:  whatever the attention hog or asshole would do, you are going to do the opposite.  You don’t ask for the attention or the raise, and no one notices that you want one or the other: you sure showed those jerks!

The other thing that is happening when you forgo an action based on this sort of thinking is that you are missing a signal from yourself that is telling you what you actually want to do.  Every time you say, “Well, I wouldn’t want to be THAT person, so I am not going to do such-and-such,” you are actually feeling something much different.  What you are actually feeling is probably more along the lines of, “Wow, I really want to do such-and-such, but I am afraid that people will think I am a narcissist or an asshole.”

If you can catch yourself worrying about being that person, you have a golden opportunity to make a great change in your life.  You now know two things: you want a certain thing, and you are afraid that if you ask for it, you will be judged by someone.  Allow yourself to feel the desire you are having.  Notice the story you are telling yourself about “that” person you don’t want to be.  Try to figure out just who you are afraid is judging you.  From here, you can start to unravel the truth of your situation from your fears about it.