Learning from our “Failures”
The other day, I ended a frustrating long term relationship with my raspberry patch. For about eight years, I tried many things to make the patch bear fruit. Every year, it would flower abundantly, bees would pollinate the flowers, and then the flowers would shrivel up and die. Every year, I would get my hopes up as the flowers began to bloom, only to have those hopes dashed about a month later. At my lowest point I almost believed that, while everyone else in the neighborhood could grow raspberries, I clearly was cursed and could not. I learned quite a bit from this experience about what to do and what not to do with raspberry plants. This year, I finally dug out all the old bushes. I started a new patch with new plants in new, gorgeous soil in a sunny new location. The mistakes I made in the eight year relationship with the old patch of raspberries has given me a wealth of information to apply to the new relationship I am beginning with this patch of different raspberries. I feel much more competent than I did eight years ago, and I am confident that this time around, I will enjoy successful harvests.
While the eight years I spent on the old raspberry patch were rather frustrating, I would not call the experiment a failure or even a waste of time. I know so much more now than I did going into it. I have no doubt in my mind that it was time to end the relationship because I tried so many different things to make it work, to no avail. I know now what raspberries need to thrive: good soil, plenty of water, space between plants, proper pruning, and ample sunlight. I know that I can provide these things in the new relationship, and I am committed to giving it my all. I met a hardier strain of raspberries than the previous one, and planted them the other day.
As I dug up the old raspberry patch, I felt a weight lifting: I did not have to struggle with this frustrating, unfruitful experiment any more. I also felt a sense of excitement at the prospect of applying my knowledge from years of work and research to the new patch. This reminded me of lessons learned from past relationships and projects that had also not come to the fruition I’d hoped for, but led me to my current relationships, career, and projects that I am passionate about. The so-called “failures” of my past gave me quite detailed instructions for the relationships, career choices and projects of my future. I rely on this information far more than anything else.
If you are reaching a similar conclusion about the unfruitfulness of a relationship, a line of work, or a project you’ve devoted time to, you might be tempted to chuck the whole thing and regard it as a failure, or wasted time. Before you do so, pause and look at what you have learned. What do you know now about yourself in relationship, career or hobby? What is it that you need to change about how you do things so that your future experiences will bear fruit? If you come away from any experience with knowledge, then you have not failed and you have not wasted your time or your effort.
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