Cleaning out the Refrigerator

Yesterday, I decided to clean out the refrigerator, because looking inside had become a stressful experience. There was an enormous bag of turnips that came a farm we had a share with this fall. I finally admitted to myself that I really don’t like turnips at all, and try as I might, I could not make myself like them, or find a way to disguise them in a recipe. I really did try! Those turnips had been sitting there for more than two months, taking up almost an entire shelf. I felt relief tinged with a sense of defeat, when I tossed them into the compost. Then I saw other things that were never going to be used or that had gone bad, all hidden behind the giant bag of turnips. All taking up so much space that there was no longer room for new food that I would actually eat. It was as if the refrigerator had become a gigantic storage unit of guilt and obligation: if I could just make my way through this insane, enormous bag of bitter vegetables, I wouldn’t have to admit that it was a mistake to bring the bag home in the first place.

In life, there are many ways we cram our “refrigerator” because we don’t want to admit something was a mistake, or wasn’t meant to be, or has reached the limit of our abilities. Maybe there is a relationship that started out full of passion and joy, but as time went on, there was the discovery that it wasn’t a match that could last beyond the passionate stage. Maybe there is a project that overwhelmed our ability and capacity, and our energy has been tied up in something that we can’t follow through with. In both scenarios, we may have spent a painful amount of time trying to make things work in multiple ways, but it just isn’t happening.

Holding on to these things is like keeping the refrigerator crammed with food we won’t use; they take up space that could be filled by that which really feeds and fulfills us. It may take some time to sort through our feelings, to see what in our lives is actually not working, not fitting, as opposed to what is worth keeping even if it requires work. There is a difference between the struggle of squeezing things in that do not fit, and the challenge of striving to meet the bar of something or someone that does fit. Once we can sort through the difference, we can let go of that which will never truly feed us, so that we can make room for true nourishment and fulfillment.