Bringing Meaning Back to the Habitual
If you have been involved with someone or something for a long time, there are words and actions that become habitual, due to their frequency. We may end up losing some of the meaning behind our words and actions. So, saying “I love you” to a partner can become something we say when we may actually mean something else. It can be a good exercise to stop for a moment when we are about to say, “I love you,” and ask ourselves what we are really feeling in the moment. When we do this, all sorts of nuances arise.
Sometimes, “I love you” means “I want you to tell me you love me.” It can mean that we want reassurance because we are feeling insecure, or that we find our partner to be so adorable in this very moment, we can barely handle it. We may be really saying something like, “I know we just had this argument, but I want you to know that it doesn’t change my love for you, and I want to know that you still love me too.” Or maybe it means, “I can see that you are scared right now, and I want to protect you and keep you safe.” Sadly, it can also mean, “I am so mad at you right now, but I am so afraid to show you my anger. Maybe if I tell you I love you, that will make it all go away.”
So, for an interesting research project on yourself, take notice of the automatic things you say and do. Pause for a moment, and ask yourself what it is you are feeling and wanting when you are saying or doing these things. Then, express that feeling or desire rather than saying or doing the habitual. Your experience may just become a little more rich and textured.